La Chanson de Roland is one of the major epic poems of the Middle Ages. It centers around one of Charlemagne’s adjutants, a prefect named Roland. Though billed as a “song,” it is a blood-soaked screed against paganism. What strikes me most about this story is how truly medieval the medieval courts were. I would patch this up with a happy ending—but how? The happy ending is that we don’t live in medieval France!

Jason Novak works at a grocery store in Berkeley, California, and changes diapers in his spare time.